We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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