thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
