happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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