i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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