I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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