I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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