i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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