Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
