I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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