I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
