dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
