You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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