I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
