Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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