i would punch a child for taco bell
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My vagina is officially offended.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
