yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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