Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
