I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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