Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
