First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
