He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I came so hard my ears popped.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
