you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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