apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
