How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
