good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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