Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
