New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
