I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
