also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
