there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
why do cheetos always look like penises
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
