if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
