I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
