Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
