I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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