Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
