my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
