I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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