Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
