I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
