I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
