they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
