ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
