Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
