I want you more than these girls want KFC
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
