I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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