White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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