the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Mom said you looked used
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
