then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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