don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
