I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
