Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
