I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
